I sometimes wake up really angry and frustrated. There is a lot of emotional baggage I’m working through and before my system fully boots up I feel a strong rush of emotion. I try to resist commenting on anything meaningful on social media before I’ve woken up a bit.
Still lately I’ve been very charged up for a number of reasons. I have been really hustling, working a lot of hours, no less than 60 a week, to maintain my lifestyle. I am slowly making headway towards my goals and it’s super worth it. There is one thing though I stopped doing that I think is making it even harder to maintain.
Mr. Lose Weight over here stopped exercising and started eating like shit again. If you know me, I address problems publicly only once the solution is underway so I am sitting here in the post-exercise glow of my at home exercise bike.
Sometimes knowing things can hurt you
Since I lost weight before, I know I can lose weight again. I know I can maintain exercise as a habit, and with discipline do a lot better with food. Knowing that also means I sometimes ignore health for months, until my clothes get a little too tight and I realize I don’t want to spend another 3000$ replacing my wardrobe because I got too fat. I already did the lost crazy weight version of that.
I’m sure I’m up about 15-20 lbs from where I’d like to be. In October I was doing like 20 hours a week (at least) on my cycle delivering food. Getting those calories burnt. Then I got a car and have been a sedentary fuck.
When I burn off like 4000 calories (according to my FitBit) I end up super hungry and devour food. I rationalize that I did just burn off 2000 calories, I can afford to eat a little. That helped me plateau in a comfortable place as slowly fat turned to muscle and ironically I lost no weight.
Thankfully muscle lasts longer than it takes to gain new fat. But basically now I have more muscle and more fat. But knowing that the muscle is still there, means as long as I didn’t let it go too far (like when I was nearly 300 Lbs) I could get back to proper right quick.
With discipline, I can drop all the “winter weight” by the summer. One day I’d like to be less than 200 Lbs. At my best I hit like 201 or something. But knowing I CAN get back into shape has sometimes made me lazier.
I am starting to record music again
One of the main reasons I do cardio exercises is because I find it helps me with breathing. When I’m in shape, I can hold my breath longer, as my heart is more efficient, and thus recording longer without breathing becomes doable.
The real kick in my ass to get back to exercise was recording these feature verses I owed. I realized my breath control was all off, I felt sluggish and I could hear the extra effort in my takes. It was time to get back into shape for the music.
It’s always been for the music. When I wrote Lose Weight, it was on the tails of seeing this performance (skip to 12:44, I did Rap God, I’m proud of it):
I can tell you one thing, that was one of the hardest 7 or so minutes of my life. Standing there in my room, with limited motion, I could deliver the song. On the stage, you’ll notice I stood still a lot. I couldn’t handle moving and performing.
I can tell you one thing, I can run in place for a solid minute yelling out my lyrics now. I can do it even in my current sloth-like state. It’s harder and I may need a longer minute when I’m done than I’d like, but I lost weight for the stage. Also for sex. You fuck better when you have more stamina and control.
I really want to take this music thing to a pay me level. To do that I need to recognize my body is a tool and I need to treat it better. I see the performance I want to give in my mind and I am not as strong as I need to be, yet. This year is going to be a training year so I can achieve that.
Exercise is a powerful antidepressant destress mechanism
I’ll be honest, this winter I’ve managed to avoid seasonal depression. All things considered that is a true blessing. I may be a little more moody and on edge, but I’m actually really happy with the direction of my life and the things unfolding for me.
As of August I will have 1-3 years experience in a whole new field, super big blessings. I have so much work to do, I’m never bored, I’m never sitting there with 10 minutes and nothing to do. One day we’ll talk about how obnoxious it is to suggest I have time to look into a thing you care about because you found time for it. Some of us actually plan our weeks and when we have 10 minutes, we play Monopoly Go.
Still I am super stressed. I’m in the middle of a months-long grind to pay off my debts and make sure I can afford my music career. After listening to my financial advisor homie, Rene Marshall, and realizing how much pimp daddy Visa and Mastercard were getting out of me each month, I was like hold on, I can live the same on less money if I clear my debt.
I have been focused on reducing expenses and increasing revenue. So far I’ve been pulling it off as well as a person can manage with Christmas time and a 500$ Wix renewal fee. But I’m a lot snappier with people, because I’m tired and I barely do “fun shit” lately. Shoutout Monopoly Go.
Given my reality is what it is, efficiency is key. If I workout regularly, I will have more energy and focus and thus get more done in less time. Including these blogs. I find exercise also helps me brood less, after 30 mins of increased heart rate I always feel good after, it’s some fire ass drugs. But that period of exercise clears my mind in a meditative way and helps me work through the stuff I’m stuck obsessing over.
More energy and better moods is a big win. Especially when sales is basically half your income. I like to make public declarations about stuff like losing weight so people ask me about it and I am forced to live up to my word. It makes it easier to choose pain in the morning like I did today.
Also I’m now a week with a 50-75% reduction in caffeine. It sucks but I will be a one a day coffee person soon.
Live Long and Prosper Everyone
Bình luận