I didn’t fit into many cliques or posses over the years. It’s not for lack of effort, I used to have a lot of trouble managing group dynamics. As I write this I’ve learned a lot about playing my part on a team and letting others lead. I recognize expertise and value it. As long as I’m not on too much of an ego trip, I can behave accordingly in public.
For a while I was pretty thirsty about rolling with a squad. I never had and wanted the experience. Along the learnings of life you realize that things like music are a team sport. You realize that behind every great person are even greater people who manage their behaviour. Shoutout the executive assistants of the world.
What I know think really matters is not the number of people you move with, but finding people who like you, knowing your flaws and particularities.
In this world of entertainment there are many opinions
Just yesterday I was told I’m a garbage interviewer and should study MSNBC and John Stewart for inspiration. This person also felt my swearing was out of control. They, in theory, had really good advice for creating something that would be marketable to them, and people like them.
The problem was, I am not like them, nor do I care if that person is in my tribe. I like the idea of tribes a lot. Shoutout Forever Preach for introducing this verbiage to my life. Far too often in life I focused on being around whomever would accept me, without a real quality filter. You could argue my choice in people was as casual as anyone with low self-esteem thriving on attention.
A lot of the time what happens for me is people see what I do. They are impressed by that and as they get to know me, discover I am not as fun as they were hoping for. Another way to frame it is people are good working with me, but they don’t really like me and in some cases don’t even respect me. I don’t get invited to a lot of social gatherings, in the defense of others, I barely reach out.
I put myself out there a lot, and especially online, people see snapshots of my life. They formulate their own opinions about me and then inform me of those opinions. Sometimes those opinions come with love and while the rebukes hurt, they help me grow. Other times they are just requests that I change who I am to appease the desire of that person.
At this phase of my life I can finally filter between those two groups of opinions about me. What’s important is to focus on the people that like who you are.
It’s a blessing that people talk about me
Don’t get anything twisted, I love that people talk about me. I don’t always like what they say, but if everyone loved me I’d be pretty boring. Polarizing personalities are an asset when pursuing entertainment goals. The trick to building a fanbase is to have people hate on you, so others can come defend you.
Anyone that comes and defends you is far more likely to support you long term. That being said, neither the defenders nor the haters tend to know the full truth about you. This is something you need to hold dear to your heart. Even if everyone who gives you advice is coming from a place of love, only you know what your bigger plans are.
It took me 9 years to figure out how to make a little noise in the community. I had to learn how to develop beyond an edgelord and communicate with people effectively. Given I’m an opinionated person, I often spit a bunch of wild sounding game. Sometimes I even get caught up in the moment and exaggerate. The end result is some people love how I communicate and what I choose to say and other people despise it. End of the day you cannot act on all the feedback you receive.
This may come off like I ignore criticism. That’s not the case. Person 1 will tell me a song sucks, and then person 2 tells me they like the same song. They are both right, to one the song is good and to the other the song is bad. Inherently that’s fine. What matters is when the feedback goes deeper, and offers something actionable, that I am willing to do.
I once had a colleague who would watch all the visuals I put out and he had the same feedback each time. Add some girls with some big “tontons” and he’d like the video more. I’ve never felt compelled to do that. He’s right, doing this may attract more listeners. Should I add more titties because that’s what one guy wanted?
The better you do the more people will speak on your name, good or bad. This is a blessing.
People will believe whatever they want to believe
When you present yourself to the public, the best they get is a glimpse. They may see you in Facebook comments in your local neighbourhood group. They may only see you at shows when drink is in your blood. They may only see you at work when you are on your corporate proper vibe.
Everyone that meets you, meets a version of you that is tweaked for the environment. No one behaves at a funeral like they would at a club. We all adopt certain characteristics or others depending on where we are. When you are in entertainment, a lot of the time the version of you they meet feels exaggerated. It probably is, we entertainers craft who we are meticulously to shape ourselves and our art in the directions we want to grow.
Something that happens as you get more clout is you make friends and enemies. Sometimes you even make fake friends who have fake love for you. Life can feel like a battlefield. A lot of the time you are pushing in a competitive field and when you are always on the go, you have bad days. I have said some dumb shit and have made mistakes with how I’ve treated certain people. No matter what I do, I am a villain in the eyes of many.
They believe that my character is flawed for whatever reason they do. I can’t correct their beliefs, I have to live with it. Behaving better won’t erase anyone’s memory, it just means people may be willing to patch relationships in the future. I think a lot of people struggle with this reality.
It becomes harder when people believe false things about you and those false tales become canon. The key thing is you cannot control it. To be in the public means to accept this is proof you are on your way to success.
Focus on the people who want to pay you
Just today someone asked me if I still do song reviews for money on my blog. The answer is yes, of course you can pay me to do that. The reason they want to pay me is because they’ve seen my work and fuck with who I am and what I represent.
The beauty of our globalized economy is the people who end up becoming clients don’t have to live in your hood. This person is from the USA. It’s pretty cool to see how social media and a consistent output in one way or another has led to people offering to pay me to write for them (this would be the third time the blog made money like that).
The people who like what you do will tell you how to do better in meaningful ways. You’ll know that feedback matters because that person put thought into how they expressed it. An old roommate taught me I was out of pocket by pointing out even fast rappers were on beat in a way I wasn’t. That forever made me a better artist, it made me realize there was a skill I was missing, even if he couldn’t articulate what it was. He saw potential in what I did and sincerely wanted to help, he just gave such powerful advice I never forgot the moment.
When you encounter people and sift through the noise, keep track of who will support you with dollars. Those are the people who will fund your art. If anyone’s opinions count, it should probably be there's. You should still listen to the people who wouldn’t pay you, sometimes the reasons why are within your control to fix. Either way knowledge is power.
I wrote this one because of a conversation on Facebook with a stranger who gave me such sincere feedback, but he’d never be my client. His advice would morph me in a direction I don’t want to go. Appreciate your time.
Live Long and Prosper Everyone
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