When 2023 started I was in a very unstable place. I was no longer working at the company I had spent over 12 years in the comfort of routine. After years of struggling with communication, cracks were showing in all kinds of surfaces. It was one of the bleakest starts to a year for me.
A lot happened and for whatever reason people enjoy reading my end of year reflections. Since I now have the blog my thoughts for the year will now be posted here.
Writing is good for my soul
I started writing these reflections as Facebook posts because despite what people think, if you are a compelling writer, people have attention spans. Last year I wrote over 2000 words and a sizable number of people interacted with the post indicating they read it.
Unlike a lot of my creative endeavours in life, there seems to be this universal acceptance my blog pen is on point. This very blog is a huge transition for me. For the first time I am publishing my prose on my own platform.
I word it like that because professionally I used to get paid to write. I’ve written knowledge base articles, voiceover scripts, blogs, copy for websites, project plans, policy & procedure and much more. When I’m in a flow state and know exactly what I need to say, I can bang out a semi-polished 1000 words in an hour. On average one of my blogs takes me about 4 hours to write and edit.
That being said, I may have clocked a solid 20000 hours of practice, but I never focused enough to write for me. 2023 was the year that changed. I needed a portfolio so I started a blog to prove to future employers I would write.
The most meaningful blog moment for me was when Kevin Calixte shared my article, and a whole bunch of ladies hit me up with the most sincere compliments I ever got. There is nothing like the praise from an avid reader that loves your writing voice.
I know most of y’all don’t listen to or like my music. The amount of clear admiration for the blog I got was kind of dumbfounding for me. I literally made this to get a job and then voila, a new creative outlet.
Where is the music at?
I published a total of 0 songs this year. I was featured on a few tracks, so new music did come out with me on it. MCO and I have 8 tracks in progress with the new single close to being done. I wrote one of the nicest songs of my career over a SkinDeep beat. I still have a bunch ready to record over those Peter West EDM beats.
However I did not have regular income in 2023. Losing the security of a paycheck made me not want to spend money on music production. I have spent over 10K on music. I am aware of how little I am going to make back at this time off that investment.
This isn’t a lack of confidence. It’s a firm realisation that monetization requires different things than what I have focused on in the past.
I also have a lot of credit card debt I need to deal with. The true blessing of having no money coming in is you learn to budget in a whole different way. This isn’t a pity party, I went on like 5 trips without having a job. But now it’s time to pay the piper and until it’s paid I’m not in a rush to put out music.
That being said, releasing no music, I had my best year for performing and definitely moved up in this music world. I got to write a few invoices for “rapping services” and gained a lot of insight into how to work a crowd effectively. I’ve been blessed to be part of a lot of shows that introduced me to a lot of new tools for the performing toolkit.
I did get to perform at outside full of people Just For Laughs, that was cool. Thanks Olivia.
I got more into video creation
In my pursuit of proving I know how to do things to employers I started a vlog. In principle it’s a “daily vlog” styled experience only I didn’t do it every day.
I had the pleasure of driving Smif-N-Wessun across Quebec (for money) and was struck by how much effort General Steele was putting into editing a video. He kept zooming in and editing his cuts frame by frame so it was the perfect flow. He was also using CapCut.
This led me to start experimenting with vlog content. I was out there doing interesting things, travelling to new cities and it only made sense. I learned about how to frame shots, look for opportunities to shoot content and create something cool.
I threw in some food reviews and other kinds of reaction content featuring the experiences of my life. I got a lot of positive feedback from these videos. What meant a lot was when a few filmographers hit me up to let me know that the videos were well made.
The main thing I learned is that you don’t need fancy cameras and tons of experience to create something meaningful. Sure, basic principles of video editing will make your life easier, but you don’t need the advanced stuff if your goal is to share parts of your life with the world.
Over time you should definitely aim to improve, but your first video is always going to be trash, relatively speaking. In my experience people are forgiving when it comes to technical quality as long as you improve over time.
I tried to leave Montreal once a month
I thought deeply about what would evolve me as a human. I theorize that people who travel end up with a deeper sense of culture. As an artist, understanding culture is very important for me to pursue. Another way to look at it is that you won’t have any idea if your music will do well in other places if you only play on home turf.
I went to NYC twice. I went to Toronto a few times. I went to Sherbrooke, Quebec (and its surrounding areas) a few times. Music and podcasting allowed it to work out organically that trips happened until September.
I got to perform in Toronto for the first time (Thanks Fred E. Fame). Plomberie invited me out to perform with them, I got to bring CC with me one time and we split a bag.
All good things must end. Suddenly my life priorities changed based on a new reality. I had run out of money and paying bills became a priority. There were a few “opportunities” I turned music down because renting cars and paying for Airbnbs takes its toll on a budget.
While I took the bus to NYC for the first trip, the car became the primary mode of travel for me the remainder of the year. Shobiz514, my cousin and I rented a car in February to go see K-Rino and a BeastMode battle in Toronto. From then on, car rentals became the move.
Pro Tip: It’s cheaper to team up and rent a car than get bus/train tickets.
In September I was still determined to hit this goal. I rented a car off Turo and Bonnie and I went hiking up North. In October, I used my grandfather’s car and we drove to Granby for a poutine. Then November came and I forgot. I guess Uber brought me to St. Adele and then St. Martine in December. On a technical front, you can argue I achieved it? Of all the stuff that happened this year, being able to travel was my favourite part. Would recommend.
More PRSPCTVS
Shoutout Flacko Bayo. The way life can work. we could have been deaded PRSPCTVS at any time given we both live in different countries. Instead we’ve managed to reinvent what we do and create a brand new experience with Our PRSPCTVS, our weekly podcast we stream live Mondays at 7:00 PM EST over at twitch.tv/behindthatsuit.
What y’all may not know is behind the scenes Flacko really held it down this year. In the past I’ve been known to hold shit together but this was not my year for stability. Flacko definitely is the reason we have this new weekly show and for us building the brand out in a bigger way.
Also it's a big blessing to be on a podcast with Sara Kana. Sometimes I question a lot when I’m filled with doubt, but my present reality has a lot of dope stuff in it. Largely because of the dope people in it.
We interviewed General Steele, Agallah Don Bishop, Danny Cortes & a few more in person. I even went to my first “afties'' in Brooklyn to enhance my PRSPCTVS on NYC life. We even filmed some “asking relationship questions” content which still needs to be edited (that’s on me).
Shoutout Chris Chrome who has been editing stuff and making all our thumbnails. He’s been an integral part of the PRSPCTVS team since forever and should not be forgotten. Shoutout Budz who drove me down to NYC in his Tesla this year and helped out with filming a bunch of content.
All that being said, hit up Flacko on the CashApp and he’ll be your best friend. We got Paypal and Patreon too.
I’m retiring from throwing shows
End of 2022 we became amateur concert promoters. As 2023 rolled on I got involved with the N.A.R.S. concert series. I tried my hand at throwing a show with Shobiz514 and Rust at Belmont.
My desire was to create something with a particular vision. Then, I found out that reinventing the wheel is a complicated process. A lot of shows end up being what they are over the realities of the present scene. I lack the capital at this juncture of my life to fulfil my vision.
It’s not lost on me just yesterday I released a blog talking about getting government money. I am absolutely going to do that, but I’d rather create documentaries and podcasts than throw shows. I want to pursue being a pundit (I’m NOT a journalist, I’m more an editorialist).
Being a show promoter requires a deportment I don’t have. I sincerely believe Chris Chrome has the required personality to do it. Behind the scenes he managed all the artists and dealt with everyone serving as a buffer to keep people from me.
I am happy to play roles in making sure a show happens. I’m available to host, stage manage and help deliver logistical realities. I’m just not sure I want to be the one planning the event. I know what my vision is, but maybe I need someone else to bring that to life.
I definitely would prefer to not have to pick set orders anymore.
What I’d really love is for y’all to pay me to come write about your events. Make a little vlog out of it. I’m also always available to perform.
I read 12 books this year
This was not my best year for book reading. I also didn’t set out with any points to prove reading books. I also chose to read a couple of boringly written but very informative books that took me forever to get through.
I don’t read for pleasure. To me it’s a means of exercising my brain and acquiring knowledge at a rate much quicker than video content. Here and there I’ll read something fun but often I focus on books that enhance my understanding of history, politics, finance and business.
Life got really fast and that led to a pretty inconsistent schedule. One thing about me is that when I have a routine, I can produce twice the amount as when my life is chaotic. 2024 is definitely going to be a year of focusing on balance. I also have no desire to put any pressure on myself to read a particular number of books.
Instead I try to read 15-30 minutes a day. I usually read in the morning before I start work. I know myself, and once my day begins I am not going to read. Far too often I opted to engage in pointless, but passionate Facebook debates instead of reading about how climate change denial scientists are the same as tobacco isn’t bad for you scientists.
I recommend that everyone reads some non-fiction. I ended the year with Ernest Hemingway and honestly I’m already bored. The classics of fiction never really do it for me. U-God’s autobiography was an amazing read on the other hand.
I’ll end this section with a “read books, motherfucker, read books”.
I literally did not lose weight this year
I can’t get on a scale these days. I know I wrote Lose Weight and I think part of why it connects is because it comes from a place of real body dysmorphia. The chorus may sound like a joke but it comes from hundreds of rejections for being too fat to fuck.
Nowadays I’ve learned about confidence and sex appeal on different levels. But nowadays I can run in place for 60 seconds while screaming into a microphone despite being a big boy. Letting it all jiggle while I do it adds to the charm.
Still, sometimes when I eat unhealthy crap or imply lazier lifestyles I am reminded that I am the “Lose Weight guy”. I’m also the “pickle” guy, which if I liked eating would be a healthier food option than the crap I ingest.
I gained a bunch of muscle this year with all the cycling I did. I was on and off with planks and squats too. But I literally gained enough muscle to not actually lose any weight. Up until I got a car I felt relatively healthy (not quite like when I was running) but I had good energy all things considered.
Still I ate a lot. I partly eat through my feelings and partly I have no real sense of when I’m “full”. I’m just aware of what too late is. I plan on focusing on things like portion control and better eating habits because my ass is going to be driving a lot in 2024. Health matters. As I get older I start to care a lot more about it.
Food is a dangerous coping mechanism.
Local politician in training
This year I decided that I want to get more involved in the community. I joined the board of directors of Notre Dames des Arts. Albeit I've been pretty passive and need to be more active next year. There is a lot of volunteer work we as artists can do in tandem with not for profits to achieve growth.
I teamed up with local NDG mayoral candidate Alex Montagano to create a new podcast called The Trainman Report. The goal is to discuss NDG news and create a platform for the English community to have a larger voice.
We only care about the 75% of people who don’t vote. This means we aren’t afraid to get a little spicy with it. Local politics is bland because the people who run for office don’t really understand being a public figure in 2023. I’m sure they do in the traditional sense that appeals to the 25% or so of people who vote, however that’s quite the minority when you think about it.
The world is changing and people campaigning could use part of their budgets to hire young people to help them social media better. Either way I’d love to run in the next municipal election. I want to cause a ruckus and make some people real upset. Let me be the villain so that people feel more passionate about voting.
Always remember, your homies can probably name 10 senators if they tried but could not name 5 people in Parliament. Imagine being able to list off city councillors.
One of my 2024 goals is to leverage local politics and community initiatives to grow my brand. I encourage my artistic peers to also get involved. You’ll probably sell more records that way.
I’m learning to be more considerate of people
I can be quite self-absorbed. I get caught up in my head and lose sight of how my actions affect other people. In 2023 I definitely found myself on a lot more people’s shit lists. I also earned the respect of a whole bunch of other people.
The whole first half of the year was an emotional whirlwind where I discovered drunk Holden will definitely get punched out. I will forever not remember the Tremblant night that is imprinted in other people’s memories. I don’t know that I will allow myself to get drunk at “work” events anymore. That means anytime we go out at shows, it’s a “work” thing to me.
The most successful people remember names, facts about people and demonstrate they care in meaningful ways to the recipient. It’s taken a long time to get myself out of the central role in my life and realize there are a lot of other people around me now. I’m not the “loser” hiding in his room because he has “no friends” or whatever other crap I used to believe about myself.
With greater popularity comes great responsibility. There are people who really love me. It’s on me to live in a way that shows them that I really love them. Being careless with people’s emotions is a surefire way to end up in hot water down the line.
I hurt a lot of people by being careless. Now I’m trying my best to treat the people in my life with the respect they deserve. I still have a lot of growing to do but due to the wise words of homies like JS who have #NOREGARD in how they express themselves, I learn more.
That being said, Bonnie has been an integral part of everything. She has been an anchor to my chaos and that shall never be forgotten. Don’t sleep on the people who put up with you as you are. They are of the highest value.
The end of the corporate grind
For the longest time I had an office job. The same company and that came with a lot of safety. As you probably have heard, safety leads to comfort and laziness. I took that for granted and ended up jobless for the first time since I was 22.
I had to learn how bad I was at job hunting. I had to get humbled by getting a cool opportunity and losing it 9 days later. I pretended I wanted to hustle the first half of 2023 but that was a lie.I had been wanting to take a sabbatical from work. After 12 years I felt complacent. So I took a sabbatical from work, just in a different way. Then I learned to hustle in a new way. I got a job selling promo for Taste Montreal. I started hustling food delivery on my bicycle. I got a whip and now deliver people via Uber Drive.
All of this has been a good exercise for me. It created a new correlation between effort and money. Instead of getting a static pay no matter what effort I put in, now my pay is entirely based on my work ethic. I’ve always had a strong work ethic when I’m motivated.
Unfortunately for me I got a flat tire over a pothole and am not going to be out on these Uber Streets today. The bright side is I did get to finish this blog, with the luxury of time. I’ve been listening to the universe and recognize I need to write more so if I’ve been given the gift of time, I should not squander it. I will be playing Cyberpunk 2077 later though.
I wasn’t expecting to learn about tire maintenance today, but now I know I can put a donut on if my tire goes flat.
What I want from 2024
I want to pay off my debt and stack some bread. Then go to another city and spend all the money. Come home, make that money, go somewhere else and spend it. Rinse & repeat. To do that I need to apply a more disciplined approach to my year scheduling in adequate recreation. The first half of the year will be focused on planning since I have to work 60-70 hours a week to make some money. Once my debt ratio hits a happier place and I can afford to spend again, I am going to invest like I never have before.Only when it comes time to invest, I will have actionable plans in place to pursue. I need to spend the year playing with my boundaries. Learning how to balance my work week with my content creation while remaining a considerate human being.
My life is full of clear paths on how to achieve my goals. The ambiguity is gone. I know who I am and I know what I want and God has given me the means to achieve it all.
I just need to work my ass off. 2024 is going to be a long, grind-filled year. But when it’s done I will be producing the greatest art of my life while living my best life.
I started 2023 believing I would fail my “be better” goal, but that doubt was misplaced. I am 100% better than I was.
Live long and prosper everyone
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