The other day I picked up an Uber ride that was going east of Papineau. In my head, I was like great, this will be somewhere in the “East End” of Montreal. I saw the destination and it was the mythical place that may actually exist known as Longeuil.
At first I was like, what in the fuck Uber? For a week or two I had felt frustrated bythe destinations of certain trips. The app will tell you the direction, without specifics, ahead of time. My dumbass brain then translated that into Montreal directions, leading to confusion and negative, profane thoughts in Uber’s direction.
As I was driving the aforementioned person, seeing the line Uber provides for the route you are taking, I realized most of the South Shore is actually east of Montreal.
Montreal directions are skewed
Turns out when they designed the street grid of Montreal they used some “St Lawrence River flows East to West” logic. I really tried to find a credible source but everyone just mentions Wikipedia.
Basically, Old Montreal treated the river like it was south. I’m sure back in the day this made it easier than worrying about actual compass directions. I wonder if they know they would confuse tourists for the rest of time.
I have always been aware on some level that North in Montreal is not exactly North, but I never stopped to think about it. The funnest tidbit I can find goofing on this topic is that the south-side of the Victoria Bridge is further north than the north-side. For real, Saint Lambert is way more North than where I’m at in NDG.
It’s clearly done this way because trying to be like Sherbrook North North East would be corny to use in real life. I’m not mad at the choice to keep things simple. I can even see how Longueuil became the “South Shore”, given the decision to make the River South. It’s just weird because those shores are way more East and West.
As time goes on, things become custom and engraved in the population. Even with the knowledge Boucherville is north east of me, it’s still south. Everything on the South Shore is south, that’s just how it is.
Uber Drivers learn from my mistakes
I’m sure this isn’t new information for most locals.I’ve spent weeks confused over Montreal directions versus the compass, I am sure others may feel the same confusion. It’s not the kind of thing you encounter very often in your regular activities. Kind of like when you say “toque” to anyone not from here and remember it’s actually a “beanie”.
It’s a cool cultural quirk that we have our own unique sense of direction here. It’s so built in, we never use the true compass directions when communicating. Fun fact, I do know how to use a compass, I did 5 years of Air Cadets.
Once upon a time people used maps. I know how to read a map, this was still a thing when I was young. Mapquest was a thing by the time I could drive. Google Maps (& Waze) has since fucked up the whole spectrum of navigation. In the “private chauffeur/taxi” school you do for Uber, they make it clear as of 2020 all Taxis/Ubers need a GPS device in the whip. When I go from point A to B, there is a robot lady telling me how to get there. Pro Tip: Waze’s Santa voice sucks
I’m sure if I’d grown up in the era of maps, this would all be second nature to me. Meanwhile my spoiled ass got used to the robot lady and in my ignorance made some silly choices accepting Uber Rides.
Let me be abundantly clear, GPS is incredible. With Google Maps, even the NYC subway system is simple to navigate if you pay attention to the train (some iterations skip certain stops, but Google tells you the one you need!). We are blessed even if this whole blog topic feels preposterous (it is).
The Montreal street naming convention is here to stay
You know how I know? People can’t handle change in this city. In a future blog I want to explore why the bike path debate is annoying because it’s a conversation about the future discussed with present-day reality.
But for real, this is the definition of a non-issue. Weirdos like me will put hundreds of words together looking at the topic like, “why in the fuck did we do this?” Yet the actual cost of changing this would be stupid high. Plus we have easily 4 million people in the greater Montreal area that already are okay with being orientationally skewed. Why change what isn’t broken? The city clearly works.
It is something worth mentioning to your people who come to visit the city. I’m sure at least a few times a Montrealer has given directions to someone that have been taken literally and then that person got lost.
I think I’ve exhausted this topic.
Live Long and Prosper Everyone