The month of February has been quite fast paced. In an effort to grind and pay for things I have found myself running around like a chicken without his head on. As much as I’ve started the work towards planning, implementing that plan has been a challenge.
Between chores, unexpected circumstances and slow Uber days it feels like I’ll never see the end of this maelstrom. Slowly but surely I am getting things done but it feels like my brain is a hott mess that is very impatient. I often find myself warring within my mind questioning if everything is worth it.
It can become really easy to not track your wins and just get caught up in the stress of life. To combat that, you really need to focus on what you are actually doing properly. Today I wanted to reflect on what I’ve done right lately. It’s too easy to ignore big wins for sad moments.
I’ve been maintaining my habit-based tasks
On a good day I need to read at least 30 minutes. This is an exercise in keeping my mind sharp. I’m also working on writing better and you can’t get better as a writer if you never read. This is a mandatory thing.
For a while I was indulging more in social media and distractions and not attacking reading with discipline. I have since corrected that behaviour, even if it means not doing other things, I am getting the reading in. It feels weird to frame it like that, but while you see me read a lot, it’s more or less been a chore I enjoy. I like reading, it’s fun, but not as fun as other things. I have to force myself to read many mornings.
I have been maintaining my discipline with the exercise bike. Currently I’m on four days in a row, then a break day, then four days in a row, then a break day as my cycle. I am working towards 6 days in a row. If nothing else goes well in my life, I can measure the gains in my exercise cycle strength. I feel my cardiovascular state improving.
I’ve also been maintaining this blog. The mission is not to write Pullitzer winning work today but to train. I need to force myself to be able to produce content, on demand, no matter what is happening. The real challenge will be maintaining the discipline to write about stuff while I am in Puerto Rico this summer. All the people I see who write properly, trained themselves to just turn it on. Even if the content of every blog varies in terms of depth, there is a lot of gains when you get to daily writing.
I’m proud of myself for making sure that I work on these three things every day (ish).
Way more than just a rapper
Unlike some of my peers, I can’t say I’ve got an uninterrupted podcast show that has gone on for years. I can still say that since 2016 I have consistently been part of some podcast or another and 7 of them hit episode 50. The release schedules have shifted, some ideas went away, others came to life. But as it stands there are two weekly shows that are running live on my Twitch to this day.
One of those daunting tasks that keeps me up at night is figuring out how to rebrand myself into something more concise. Or at least create materials that can better onboard people into the totality of the Holdiverse. I’ve done so much and one of the things that hurts me is that it’s not always clear what I do. Being a jack of all trades has no one bumping my music.
The scope of content I can create and participate in has grown exponentially. Somewhere along the way I created some vlog content and there's whole lot of other stuff going on. If I look at success less from the PRSPCTVS of people loving what I want them to love and instead take on the PRSPCTVS of success being a life where you do interesting things, my life is cool AF.
I was just looking at this cool clip from Wonderbread capturing my first 2024 performance. I don’t sing amazingly, but compared to how I sounded 10 years ago, I feel so proud of this.
I’m excited for the new music that will come this year. I’m proud of what we’ve created so far.
It’s been tough but I’m on the path to winning
It’s been 7 months since I got the gig with Taste Montreal. That’s a relief. I spent a solid 6 months without a regular job and honestly unsure of where money was going to come from. While I still have to really hustle to get out of my financial mess, I no longer have to stress about bills. (Queue up Merker Miyagi’s All My Bills Are Paid).
The gig has cool extras. I went to two video shoots at restaurants today to capture food content on my phone. My homie got two free meals being my helper off this gig, this week alone. Then it was a quasi date/quasi work function at a lovely spot in the Old Port. There is a fair amount of leftovers. Nevski’s cheese boats are serious business. I am trying all kinds of food that my otherwise childish palate may have ignored. Soon Flacko won’t judge me so harshly.
This current hustle feels like it has me being pulled away from my main goals. That is how growth works. When you do new things it’s uncomfortable and there are scary parts. I don’t know if I ever want to go back to “the office” again to work. To accomplish self-sufficiency comes with the risk of many weeks where you work a lot. Once my money is right, I will just hire people to help me accomplish my goals.
I’m in the beginning phases of new, where everything taxes you. If I keep my head down and stick to the plan of hustling until I get where I need to be, I will be far more comfortable in life.
My whole world has that feeling like when you first start working out and it’s awful. The biggest blocker becomes the mind and giving into the temptation to quit will ensure that things get worse. There is no real way to stay the same in life. You either get better or worse.
While I’m having a lot of trouble getting everything done on time in a week, I am still moving my life forward. I just needed to remind myself that being on the right path may feel like failure. Because a lot of days I feel like I am not winning. This is why you may see me going on about counting blessings a lot.
I have to, or I become a dark and miserable person. Instead I’d rather be proud of myself for how far I’ve come. Go Holden.
Live Long and Prosper Everyone