I am a big fan of driving overnight Uber.
The people who get in your car tend to be in a happier place. They are coming from dinner, a movie, an event, the club or even some sexual intercourse. On the less festive side, the people getting off work are the folk who prefer the night and they just have their own slew of amazing tales.
Now fair warning, these aren’t over the top salacious tales. In fact most of my passengers are just regular, nice people. The conversation is exaggerated small talk or they never say a word to me. It’s actually really rare for anything noteworthy to happen.
However here and there you get a couple of gems.
Deux-Montagnes is more dangerous than Gaza
One day I ended up with a ride in the city of Oka, where a house party had ended.
Four, very young and very drunk ladies get into the car. They end up asking for Loud (the Queb-Rap artist) and then as time goes on the ringleader emerges. There is always one lady who is the Queen Bee, and talks over all the other ladies.
The next thing I knew this girl is going on about the constant gun violence in Deux-Montagnes. She went as far as to inform me that it is worse than Gaza. That is not an exaggeration, her drunk self really believed her life had more trauma in these DuMo streets, than in Gaza.
Now in fairness maybe she does hear a lot of gunshots, but this one was quite memorable for how deadass and sincere she was.
I told y’all these are going to be mid.
The 19-Year-Old who intercoursed with a 62-Year-Old
I wish I had more details here.
Part of my shtick to other passengers is to tell this one and be like, I wish I knew how it happened. In my mind I had all the questions. How did your young 19-year-old self end up in that situation? Was it money? Do you like to fuck old guys? I am so curious.
But I am also a 36 year old man, far too young for her. I did not get involved. I minded my own business.
Basically they were talking about how this girl enjoys being with older guys. Then her friend just brought it up all willy nilly, “What about that 62-Year-Old”. The friend clearly knew the story so they did not retell it.I just know that girl would fuck another old dude, but I could not tell you why.
It felt like money.
From the private jet to the Uber Share
One time I had a lady in my car and it’s an Uber Share.
We stop somewhere downtown and this athlete sized individual gets in the car. Once we determined he was feeling the lady, he low key flexed he played for a pro Montreal sports team. At first he was coy about it.
He was like, “I just got off a private jet.”. The lady and I were both like, “ooooooo”. Then inevitably homie gets out first after flexing on her.
Funny how Uber Share will do people dirty like that all day, making the first pickup the last drop off, but so is the way of the algorithm.
The lady looks at me via the rearview and hits me with, “Yo did homeboy just say he got out of the private jet just then chose to save 4$ on the Uber Share?”
To which the answer was yes.
As I think of more moments I will share them with you.
Live Long and Prosper Everyone
Comments