I’ve noticed that when I use project/time management tools by myself, I have a lot of trouble staying consistent. The second someone joins me on the journey, the accountability that comes from maintaining the task list keeps me focused. I’m reading that Tony Robbins book, Unlimited Power, and he was all like, “broski, your external motivation reasons sound like excuses to me, fire-walk your life bro.”
While motivational speakers tend to rely on superfluous logic tracks, I think the man has a point in this case. When my soul is aligned with my faith and my actions live up to my ambition, maintaining a sense of order becomes a joy. The growing pains of realignment make everything temporarily miserable, at least until the PRPSCTVS become wiser.
Maybe I’ve gone about this on my own for too long. Would anyone reading this join an accountability club? 35-year-old male seeking a bunch of hustlers who struggle to stay focused and decide encouragement towards successful habits. People who give props for the wins. Creating enough external dopamine hits to remind ourselves we can get it on our own.
Sunny days create motivation and change
Last April and May I felt a huge sense of negative emotions and burnout. Someone advised me to watch for this as it may be a cyclical thing. The end of the winter. The cravings for cycling with sun on my skin without a winter coat. My mood enhances vitamin D exposure it seems.
This past week it feels like Spring finally showed up. There is something beautiful to me about riding across the well paved bike path lanes, knowing our city cares about the 1 in 4 Montreal residents who enjoy a bicycle. I know, the number of drivers is closer to 1 in 2, but still, more cyclists than you thought eh?
As the season literally changes, I find myself feeling optimistic. This time next week I am in New York City again to film interviews. I’m not fully sure the lineup of people, but Flacko is on that. Instead of talking prematurely and being disappointed I’m just letting the universe play itself out.
Sometimes it’s worth stopping to think about a phase of your life. The beginning of 2023 was entirely novel based on how things normally go. This phase isn’t even the new normal, it will end too. It has been growing pains on the path predestined for me.
It’s also been a reminder of my blessings. I’m in a room that has my merch for sale in boxes. I started an actual company. Not even in the pipedream content way, this is real deal retail.
Exercise has kept me feeling positive
While there is a masturbatory feel to writing about yourself, it is an opportunity to share with people the little you know. We specialize and gain vast wisdom and experiences, but bigger picture we all know so very little individually. What I can say with all certainty is that cardio gives one amazing dopamine boost.
I made it a point to get proper cardio at least 3 times a week the entirety of this year. That may come from using my Bowflex exercise bike or from dancing. My Fitbit tracks how many calories I burn so I don’t let myself stay lazy.
I see what happens to the older immobile types, as their quality of living quickly degenerates into stagnation. On the flipside, I watched Nate Husser’s Metro Metro festival performance and that man can basically do jumping jacks while rapping. Festival stages are big, and you need to move to the beat.
I remember when I was younger and embracing the depressed phase of my life, I would hear talk that if you really wanted to change, you’d at least try exercise. I get it now. You can be irate and then take that energy and exercise with it and then suddenly you are just calmer. There is a meditative state I find I can reach when my heart is pumping hard that let’s me work through my anger.
Being active is why I don’t slip back to the dark. Even if exercise is a temporary high.
Comedy/Rap shows are a vibe
I cycled my way out east to head to this comedy/rap event that was held by End of the Weak Quebec and friends. It was the Comédie & Flow series, and Witness, who was just on Bridge the Gap, invited me to come down. He also said the magic words that touched my heart, “I’ll put you on the guest list”. Yes Please!
The event was held at Espace Kampus, which has a small theater setting with seats, and a projector for those who are up top. I found myself vibing next to DJ Horg and his lady (maybe?).
I have no feedback on the comics. French comedy is hard to follow. Like battle rap, too much is happening for my brain to process the nuances. When Google invents a product that let’s me read what’s being said, I’ll make more of an effort to follow it live.
I also struggle a lot with English comedy, two things happen.
I think about the intentions of people’s jokes and this ruins a lot of jokes because people are mean.
I forget that people can hear me and get perceived as a heckler and end up directly addressed by the comic.
I did enjoy the socializing. I had the pleasure of talking to MTL Jay Drip’s dad and learned that they read what I wrote about them at the Lionel Groove show. Kid is fire, here’s his freestyle later at the event.
Witness, Basics & Meryem Saci performance review
Witness was the first performance I watched. The guy has clearly rapped for decades. Not only did he tell me this in his interview, but he also walks around the stage with a confidence that only comes from experience. He showcased an excellent song where Monk.E was on the hook and brought Basics on stage to do their collab joint, Let.Me.Know. (Which has been stuck in my head since).
Witness is a fun performer, even if you cannot understand French, you can still feel his energy.
Basics also performed an entertaining set. I missed the beginning of it while outside herbalizing. We all rushed in for Basics. Decked out in pink, confident in his everything, he performed.
The vibe goes from Basics barring it up to Basics trying to fuck your girl real quick. His R&B styled singing is a dominant force in his set and it’s a good thing. He captivates people.
Meryem Saci was the headliner, and she is on another level. Many of us think we are good, Meryem Saci is excellent. She performs with the elegance of someone who really does it big and it’s surprising we never talk about her locally.
From her bars to her voice, to the way she composes herself, she defines a standard of performance so incredible to witness that it humbled me. I feel like I need to write better songs now. Her passion and energy infected every human in the room.
Be prepared for when the moment calls your name
As some of you know I am on a mission to perform 100 times in 2023. I use the word perform because I’m counting any time I grab a mic and rap. This includes the 16 I did at the Tony Yayo show during Jay Seven & Craven’s part, the Growve Montreal free frees, and the little verse I did after the cypher part started post performances at this comedy/rap show.
I saw Witness and asked him how I can rap. Rapping makes me feel like going to an event is more worth it. I love the entertainment I get from witnessing my peers in action, but I prefer also rapping.
Witness led me to the backstage area which had bottles and mixers. I was like oh, this is different. No wonder Basics looked a little loopy, he probably was loopier than the crowd upstairs.
I grabbed the mic and did my thing. Lately I just try to comment on the political woes weighing down my heart when I freestyle. People seem to relate more to my struggle in those moments. Or at least I can sell that version of myself more convincingly without rehearsing.
I was left dumbfounded at Turbo Haus the other night when my line, “The last 4 months have been difficult” got the best reaction of anything I said.
Witness then poured me a drink and I proceeded to say my goodbyes. Oh, this was performance thirty.
DJ Blaster & Daddy Maysr are great party DJs
I cycled my way over to Blue Dog and proceeded to turn up. By the time Bonnie joined me I was very sweaty, which complicated the dancing with her part. Every time I’d get close she’d be like, gross, you are dripping wet.
The party was Blaster and Maysr playing classic Hip Hop and Reggae tunes that people of the millennial and Gen X age group lose their minds over. It was super fun and I just let myself go. As stated earlier I have been improving my cardio and at these dance parties I reap the rewards of my labour.
I remember when it was hard for me to dance. Standing around for a couple of hours was off the table and I would need to sit. Now I’m on my feet dancing for hours as time passes, and I barely notice it.
Bonnie, who was nowhere near as drunk as I, definitely noticed it more. She and I don’t approach heat the same way. I live for the hot and sweaty moments, and she prefers not to encounter hot nor sweaty.
Either way the vibe was great, and I highly recommend going to their next one so they feel encouraged to keep throwing them. I know I’ll be there turning up and acting way too extra.
The struggle of balance and accountability
I wanted to make sure the new RAM I got solved my streaming woes. My stream had crashed 2 weeks in a row while Chris and I played Fallout 76. I am pleased to report that for the sake of science, and not at all because I wanted to play video games all day, that we clocked 6 hours and 7 minutes of steady stream time.
Also, a kind fellow named Will had the will to mail me a new CPU, that will give me a little bit more oomph (when it arrives). Shoutout people who are generous like that.
Once we got off stream on Sunday I was slammed with the rest of the stuff I needed to create/post for social media. In my quest to prove to companies I can social media properly, I need to invest time the way I am doing with the blog.
Video editing and making sure the captions match the words is not quick for me. I am certain as I do it more I will develop more efficient habits. In the meantime, I am clunkily trying to get things completed and posted.
Each post requires a caption and that changes based on the platform. Suddenly my Sunday was gone. I was grateful the open mic was cancelled in lieu of the Ye Olde Orchard staff party. I really spent 3 hours staring at my phone working on social media content.
Adding regular life chores into the mix
Monday was a day of chores and catchup. The way I managed my weekend did not let me do my real-life stuff. I made a list and started working on it.
While I was working on chores I got the word that the pickle chain was finally ready for pickup. This, felt like a great use of time. So, I worked out on the exercise bike, then I cycled my way down to Aurum & Crystallini to get my first ever chain.
Trying to balance chores with content creation is getting hard. Getting the chain gives me something to film for the vlog but maybe I could have done it another time and banged out the original chores list? This blog would have been finished yesterday if I hadn’t gone to get the chain.
After I got home I blitzed a cleanup of the apartment before CY and One Four Dav pulled up. We filmed the episode of Bridge the Gap and the next thing I knew it was after 11:00 PM. The last few days flew by, but a lot got done.
Today I have my list, but the main goal is to make sure I get ingredients and learn to cook a duck (I did). I know I want to stream music recording today so given everything else is done punctually enough I will finally get on this new song.
At least there are things to look forward to
I decided when I get back from NYC the main priority is getting hired anywhere. I need to work on my CV and discover how ChatGPT can help increase my chances for more money.
In a perfect world someone reads this and goes, “Holden I want to be in your accountability club”. Then we explore project management tools and invent systems to stay organized as friends. Then we turn that into courses and sell them becoming guru’s that retire onto islands and work 4 hours a week.
#Goals, am I right? But it’s important to put this kind of thing into the universe. The way my life is flowing I need help with focus and a team of invested people would help.
In the meantime, I am so excited to be back in Brooklyn. Budz and I are driving down in his Tesla, and I have never been in a Tesla before. I got my new chain, and my business cards are coming in this week.
Count your blessings or perish to the weight of your losses.
Live Long and Prosper Everyone
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